The fog swirled around them rendering sight impossible except
for their immediate vicinity which was a steep slope covered with large rocks
and scree. To the left and to the right were not options and they were stuck.
The small ledge at 13,500 feet which was now their reality seemed to shrink as
fear grew. The two men on a day trip up a 14’er in Colorado now found
themselves trapped and desperate to get down to the safety and warmth of the
car and then to the comforting embrace of home and family. But today that was
not to be. Rain began and then hail soon after and as they got colder they
thought more and more about how to get down. Finally one of them said, “forget
it, let’s just try to hike down” but he was stopped by his partner who
explained that it just seemed too dangerous. As the fog cleared they saw a Search
and Rescue group at the bottom of the mountain and again they were compelled to
climb down but did not because it seemed impossible.
These two gentlemen were looking for a challenging day hike
and chose to climb a 14’er whose trail started about 2 hours west of Denver,
CO. They climbed hard and reached the summit with satisfaction and pride in
their hard work. They had lunch and then using the clear cell phone reception
they texted pictures of themselves with miles of mountains in the background.
They left the peak to return to the car in high spirits but within 30 minutes
of their departure they were lost. After climbing back and forth they realized
that they needed help and eventually Search and Rescue reached them and helped
them off the mountain. They did so by climbing with the two men back to the top
and then having attained the trail, they followed it down, reaching the car at
about 3:00am.
 |
| Photo Credit: Paul Kehrer |
I had the opportunity to speak with one of the men who
endured this adventure and he told me simply, “it never occurred to us to
return to the top and try to find the trail”.
Tight spots are exactly that, “tight”. They feel limiting,
narrow, and seemingly without options.
Often, however, the thing we need to do is the one thing we
don’t consider and there are many reasons for this.
One reason is because it’s scary. I don’t consider all of my
options, I only consider the options that feel safe or not scary to me. By
limiting my considerations I have also limited my options because I might be
throwing a potentially good “baby” option out with my bad “bathwater” options.
By allowing myself to consider all options I can at least consider them and
maintain some space in this tight spot.
Another reason I might not consider an option is because it
doesn’t fit with my goals or my vision of what the future should look like. This
was the case for our two friends on the mountain. They had a vision in their
minds of being at the car. Naturally, the only way to do this was to figure out
a way to go down. It never occurred to them that to go down they might have to
go up again.
A final reason that an option may not occur to me is because
it represents failure. Sebastian Junger, in his fascinating book, “The Perfect
Storm”, postulates that one of the factors that led to the “Andrea Gail” being
lost at sea was their compulsion to get in to a particular port so they could “set
the market” on swordfish. One possible option was for them to stay where they
were and wait for the storm to pass. If they had done so then the fish they had
caught would rot and they would have returned as failures.
In order for success to occur, failure must always be an
option.
We don’t have to be in the middle of an ocean or climbing a
14’er to feel boxed in. Tight spots exist in abundance in relationships with
our partners, friends, children, bosses, etc. Tight spots can also easily be
found in our own personal development journey.
I urge you, dear reader, when you next find yourself in a
tight spot take a moment to step away and consider ALL of your options, even
those ones you are scared to let in to your mind. You don’t have to do those
options that seem wrong to you but it helps widen your spot on that ledge when
you at least consider them.
As most of you know, I am a therapist. Part of my job is to
identify ways that you can make your ledge a little wider and to help you find
more options and possibilities in your personal and relational growth. Give me
a call and we’ll talk about it.
Finally, I would bet that each of you knows at least one person who could
benefit from reading this blogletter. Send it on to them, they’ll appreciate it
and so will you.
Best wishes to you on considering all the possibilities,
Ari Hoffman MA, LPC
303-803-4832
arihoffmanlpc@gmail.com
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